Your Soulmate WANTS You To Be Single

Your Soulmate WANTS You To Be Single

Posted on by in Blog, Dating

A shift in perspective is a powerful thing.

Every now and then I’ll hear someone complain about being single. Usually a story about how they’re some kind of social pariah or less of a person because they’re still single while all their friends are getting married and popping out babies. I’ve heard it from both women and men. I’ve even heard it from myself.

The reality is that when you meet your future partner/soulmate/spouse, the fact that you ARE single will be something they absolutely LOVE about you.

Haven’t you ever met someone you think is so smart, fun, cute and sexy, but then you find out they’re already in a relationship?After some mild disappointment,you get over it and move on. Good news is that the Universe is telling you that there are potential partners out there for you that fit what you’re looking for and you’re getting closer.

Also, haven’t you been on the flip side? You’re in a relationship with or dating someone that you know you should have ended a long time ago. But you kept hanging on out of fear of being single and alone (oh no!). Then you meet someone really amazing, but you are currently in that relationship that you want to end anyways. So presuming none of you wants to be the adulterer or the mistress, you let things go. But had you followed your own intuition and ended your relationship a while back, you’d already be single and (presumably) emotionally ready for a new partner.

Of course, the Universe is abundant. So if any of the situations above happened to you, remember there are plenty of people out there that would make perfect partners for you. The idea of only “one” soulmate is b.s.

Complaining about being single is 1) annoying to listen to no matter who you are and 2) just keeps you in a negative/resistant vibration so your future partner is probably not going want to interact with you anyway (more likely is that your paths won’t even cross). So complaining about being single keeps you feeling bad while you’re single and keeps you single. Great strategy!

Some tips:

  1. If you or any of your friends start to complain about being single, tell them to shut the hell up. Ok, maybe just gently shift the conversation to a different topic. :)
  2. Know that you being single is an requirement in the whole equation. Single + Single = Two available people.
  3. Practice shifting your perspective on other topics as well. See how the experience or current reality you previously viewed as something bad, is actually an ASSET for you, a necessary part of the equation for what you want.

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12 Responses to “Your Soulmate WANTS You To Be Single”

  1. Piera

    01. Feb, 2010

    Amen! I totally can relate to this article. Being single is not something to be ashamed of, depressed over and needing of sympathy. Its actually a great time to explore oneself and come to terms with one’s own sense of independance. Its very easy to fall into the trap that you need to be “with someone” to be someone. I’ve been there, and it cost me my health and sense of Self.

    I agree one soul mate in this one lifetime is pure B . S. We come into alignment with those we resonate with and then we may find that our energetic vibe changes and then comes the dissolution of the relationship. Not the end of the world at all. Its better to be walking on your path alone, than in bad company ;)

  2. Erin

    01. Feb, 2010

    I think we need to transcend the archaic cultural scripts that enforce an arbitrary timeline on love and relationships. There is no time when you are “supposed” to have found a partner, and lasting forever should not be a mandatory part of a successful relationship. People will likely come in go in our lives, as will partners, and that is not a bad thing.

    Also, you are not more successful at relationships just because you happen to be in one. A relationship should not even be the goal, but rather the pursuit of what you are passionate about, and if someone can help you do that through partnering, great, if not, so what? There will always be friends and random sex partners to fulfill the other needs.

  3. Jeffrey Platts

    02. Feb, 2010

    @Erin: My post was based on the idea that if you’re complaining about something, then underneath that is a specific desire. So if someone is complaining about being single, then they most likely are wanting to find a partner, for whatever personal or societal reason.

    And great point about someone being more “succesful” a relationship just because they are in one or because one has lasted a long time. Two people in fear being alone can be in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. :)

    I don’t think there are any shouldn’ts. If someone wants to have relationship be one of their goals, that’s great. A relationship is a great place for growth, fun and learning. So is being single. The feeling of wholeness is what matters most, both when you’re single and as part of a couple.

  4. BlaketheMegalomaniac

    16. Mar, 2010

    How about the person who has the problem where they’re in a good, solid relationship but they want more. They’re never satisfied and no matter how fulfilled they are they think they can do better. Whether it’s a self sabotage or just afraid of commitment, I have that problem.

  5. Jeffrey Platts

    17. Mar, 2010

    @Blake: Thanks for your comment. That’s a very commons situation, one that I’ve had myself. If you’re noticing a pattern of continually being unfulfilled in a relationship, then it could be that you’re either with the wrong person for you or perhaps you’re practicing a habit on non-appreciation.

    There is this great book called Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz. He talks about how a super abundance of choices can actually bring dissatisfaction because we will tend to focus on all the options we “could have had”. He talks about two types of people, maximizers and satisficers. Maximizers are always looking for the “best” choice, which many times leads to an endless search because there is always a “better option” for many criteria. Satisficers, on the other hand, have a distinct list of main qualities they are looking for and once they find something that matches that, they make a choice that is “good enough” and make the best of it.

    Here is an article discussing it more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-bytes/200908/choosing-your-jeans-and-the-art-love

    Book: http://www.amazon.com/Paradox-Choice-Why-More-Less/dp/0060005688

    - Jeffrey

  6. Dating Dufus

    20. Mar, 2010

    Last year after leaving the Hindu temple I had lived in for 10 years, I expressed to a friend my insecurities about getting back in the dating scene. I enjoy being by myself (my problem isn’t feeling bad about being single) but I was feeling lack of confidence about my (ahem) “skills” and getting back in “the game” …

    He said, “It’s an opportunity for intimacy!” What a great way to put it! This turned my attitude around immediately.

    I realized first of all exactly what you are saying here, being single and available makes this opportunity possible. Secondly, now I get to express a part of myself that couldn’t be expressed living in a monastic community. I’m having fun meeting new people, hopefully somebody will not only understand my awkwardness but like me for it! (reference to your great post “Stop apologizing for who you are”) Thanks for all the encouragement!

  7. Durgamaa

    07. Apr, 2010

    If you are unique in the World, a unique Essence, a UNIQUE manifestation of consciousness, what makes you think there isn’t a UNIQUE Soulmate for you? To think otherwise is to cheapen and disrespect the unique Essence of every individual, to try relationships out like pairs of shoes. I never talk about anything I don’t Know through Experience – neither should you. I think your yogic mind needs a little expanding…

    ‘The idea of only “one” soulmate is b.s.’… Really?! If it had happened to you, you’d be singing a different tune. Maybe the next step for YOU is to leave THAT open to infinite possibility too…

  8. Jeffrey Platts

    07. Apr, 2010

    @Durgamaa: Thank you for taking the time to read my post and share your comments from your personal experience. It sounds like you’ve found your own particular soulmate, which is awesome. Once I find my own woman I choose as my life partner, I’m sure that will bring me new perspectives on many things. :)
    .-= Jeffrey Platts´s last blog ..Guys, open your heart AND your mouth =-.

  9. Jeffrey Platts

    07. Apr, 2010

    @DatingDufus: Yeah, a shift in perspective can be a powerful thing. Glad I could help you remember what you already know! ;)
    .-= Jeffrey Platts´s last blog ..Guys, open your heart AND your mouth =-.

  10. Jason Savage

    15. Apr, 2010

    If you are complaining about being single, you will attract people also complaining about being single.

    You may also meet a soulmate who is not single at a time when you are also not single.

    Like attracts like. Whether you are single and happy, single and complaining, or not single at all.

  11. Jeffrey Platts

    15. Apr, 2010

    @Jason Savage: Thanks for posting. I agree, Law of Attraction pretty much is the undercurrent of all things.

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    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Piera Bonventre, Piera Bonventre, icepoet, Jeffrey Platts, Jeffrey Platts and others. Jeffrey Platts said: Complaining about being single is annoying to listen to no matter who you are. http://bit.ly/aQign4 #single #dating #love [...]