500 Dates Of Bummer
Posted on by Jeffrey Platts in Blog, Dating, Self Empowerment
Is dating a numbers game? Is it really about just going out and dating tons of people until you find a match? If that’s your approach, and it feels good and true to you, then keep on truckin’. If, however, you’re having some frustration or lack of success with that approach, then I invite you to consider another view.
Finding a good romantic partner is mainly about getting into energetic alignment with WHO YOU ARE. We attract to us partners that are an energetic match to where and who we are in that moment, as well as to the stories we’re telling ourselves. And we stay together with that person as long we are a match, as long as the lessons and opportunities still resonate. When one partner starts to shift their energy (or reveal the true self that they’ve kept hidden), then that’s when you start to see relationships drift apart. So given that, the very best thing you can do for yourself is to study yourself. See what in life makes you come alive, what slows you down, what gets your juices flowing.
“Wait a minute, Jeffrey, so I can just sit on my couch, write in my journal as I watch Family Guy and find me a great lady?” No, that is not going to get you closer to finding your ideal match. But neither is just going on an avalanche of dates merely hoping that eventually one will finally work out. So yes, action is a necessary part of the equation, but if I had to choose one to focus more on, it’d be to make sure I’m in full and happy alignment with who I am.
I was a huge bar and club guy. Every Friday and Saturday night I was out on the prowl doing my pick-up thing. That was great and fun for a long time, but one day I started to not enjoy it anymore, it just wasn’t my scene. Yet, I would still keep going because I believed that was simply the only way you’re supposed to meet women. I saw it work countless times in movies and on MTV! But I knew deep down that it wasn’t fulfilling me anymore and for me to keep going to just so I could meet women was dumb. So I started doing other things that I enjoyed and I quickly discovered that hot, smart, sexy women are everywhere! Of course, I still go to a fun dive bar or get my groove on at a club, but it’s because I enjoy the vibe of the place and I enjoy the friends I’m with. Or I know the DJ will play this song.
So spend a little less time trying to figure what are the “best” places to meet women or men. When you’re at a place and you aren’t interested in being there, people can tell! The point is to do the things that YOU truly love and your own vibe will be more alive and radiant. And from that you will be more attractive and people will gravitate toward you. Take the swing dancing class. Go rock climbing. Check out the Scrabble lovers meetup.
The Universe has got your back and is looking out for you. It’s got a birdseye view and is orchestrating more things than you could ever imagine. Trust it.
So what can you do get more into alignment with yourself?
- Evaluate your lifestyle. Check out your social life, your hobbies, the places you go. Are you doing them because you really enjoy them or is the real reason because you think you’ll have a higher chance of meeting someone to date?
- Spend quality time alone. You can’t figure out who you are if you’re always running around and when you’re home always distracting yourself with the TV or the Internet. Shoot for 15 minutes of pure, uninterrupted quiet time each day. Turn off the phone. Close the laptop. Leave the iPod on the table.
- Be friendly to everyone, everywhere. Let go of any beliefs that you know when you’re going to meet your next partner. You don’t. Ask anyone who’s in a happy relationship and I’ll bet most of them will tell you that they couldn’t have predicted the time and place where they met their partner.
23 Responses to “500 Dates Of Bummer”
Media
Video by WJLA-7 ABC News
Interview with Michael Taylor from A New Conversation With Men
Interview with Nic & Neely from
The Dating Marketplace
Mary
10. Mar, 2010
Great post! I think this is an especially good message to hear because it really highlights the importance of our *feelings* behind the actions we take. While it’s obviously good to put yourself out there to meet potential partners, going out constantly to meet someone has the potential of carrying with it a vibe of “I HAVE to meet someone. I don’t have anyone right now, and I need to meet some ASAP!” Even if you do meet someone while you’re out, it’s possible they won’t be a great match because you’re flowing such a needy vibe behind the scenes.
I love your three steps at the bottom! And yes, you can meet people anywhere. The less you look, the more you will find opportunities to encounter awesome people everywhere you go.
Karin
10. Mar, 2010
Thats so great when we realize who we really are and what we are looking for our lives. Some times its hard to take a chance and time to look into ourselves. But no matter how long you take to figure out it, its necessary. Great post jeffrey, i liked it and im becoming one of Ur readers now! Lol – i will be in the States early june- looking forward to see ya!
Rachel
11. Mar, 2010
Amen, Jeffrey, I couldn’t agree more. The best advice I have gotten regarding this was that “your relationship is just a mirror of your Self.” Best to love what you see looking back at you!
Jessi - CS
11. Mar, 2010
So true – great post!
KB IN NYC
11. Mar, 2010
Amazing post! I can’t tell you how much it resonated with me. Especially the part about how we repeat certain behaviour patterns (like picking up men in bars!) even though the fun and enjoyment is long gone.
“The Universe has got your back and is looking out for you. It’s got a birdseye view and is orchestrating more things than you could ever imagine. Trust it” – words to live by Jeffrey!
XKB
Lauren
12. Mar, 2010
Love it!!
nandoism
12. Mar, 2010
I dig this & must tweet it to the world in order to spread your wisdom. Oy! Where were you last year when I did 10 months of Nate?
Fernanda
12. Mar, 2010
Jeffrey,
Great post!
Can I spread your word? Fantastic!
I’ve met both of your ‘selves’; and, nowadays, you are much better than before, although you were also great back then.
THANK YOU!
Melissa Blake
17. Mar, 2010
Hi Jeff! I just started following you on Twitter! Great blog — you’re an excellent writer!
matt
17. Mar, 2010
Yeah I’ve been doing the numbers thing and it’s useless but is a pattern that is really hard to break. Help!!
Jeffrey Platts
18. Mar, 2010
@ Matt: Yeah, I would start with the 3 steps above. Also, start to define the qualities that you want in a partner and start to embody and practice the energy of those traits. The more YOU are in resonance of that which you want, you’ll attract better matches, allowing the Universe to do most of the sorting for you. Hope that helps!
Ali Holden
21. Mar, 2010
Great post! 8) Just discovering your blog – its fantastic! Mine looks like a crayon drawing next to yours!!
.-= Ali Holden´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Jeffrey Platts
21. Mar, 2010
@Ali: Thank you! Hope you find more stuff you dig on the site!
I visited our site, I actually dig the layout!
.-= Jeffrey Platts´s last blog ..You already know how to be a great lover. =-.
Kelly
24. Mar, 2010
This is a really thoughtful, great post. I’m just visiting the site and am really impressed…have you heard of Marianne Williamson? I think what she talks about translates very well to what you said in this post about the laws of attraction and our “junk” getting in the way and causing us frustration. Anyway, thanks for sharing with us.
Jeffrey Platts
24. Mar, 2010
@Kelly: Thank you! Yes, I have read Marianne Williamson. She’s got great stuff. I’m glad you dug the post.
.-= Jeffrey Platts´s last blog ..You already know how to be a great lover. =-.
Jeffrey Platts
31. Mar, 2010
@MelissaBlake: Thank you! I somehow missed your earlier comment.
@Fernanda: Obrigado! Valeu pelo apoio! Voce tava la desde o começo!
@KBinNYC: Thanks! I’m glad it touched you somehow. Haha, yeah, bars are often the armpit of dating meeting places.
@Karin: That’s awesome that you’ll in the U.S. soon. Would be great to see you!
@Rachel: Thanks! Yes, the mirror concept is so simple and true, but one that’s hard to remember about ourselves.
@Mary: Yeah, desperation is never a effective method of attraction.
Glad you dug the post! Thanks!
@Lauren: Obrigado!
@JessiCS: Thank you!
Edwas
03. Apr, 2010
Hola,
Interesante, no va a continuar con este artнculo?
Gracias
Edwas
Ali
07. Apr, 2010
This post is filled with truth and wisdom! I love it! I’m so happy to discover your blog!
Jeffrey Platts
08. Apr, 2010
@Ali: Thank you!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Jason Savage
15. Apr, 2010
All this stuff is just learning to play the numbers game smarter. You’re talking about narrowing the field so there is a greater chance of a worthwhile match.
This is what I call “be social on your own terms.” If you don’t like bars and clubs, don’t go to bars and clubs. Pick something more aligned with your energy.
But understand that the social aspect of exposure and opportunity — no matter where you are — is still a numbers game. Approaching and opening is a numbers game.
Weeding through those with no interest — no matter where you are — to find the ones with some interest is still the numbers game.
On the other hand, there IS still a skillset aspect called seduction. This is the ability to captivate and escalate and make the moment more intense. This is what allows you to take the few who are somewhat interested and make them very, very interested.
Jeffrey Platts
15. Apr, 2010
@Jason: Thanks for your comment. Good points. I agree, it’s a balance between putting yourself out into the world while also not just taking action for action’s sake. And yeah, there are always good things we can learn/practice that can help others feel more positive associations to our presence.
Tamara
14. Dec, 2010
Great Post and is exactly how I feel. Very A/H like and well, the message we’ve been taught over and over throughout the centuries. Now if we can only “get it”.
I play with this in my line of work. It’s remarkable….how clients come to me when I quit trying.
So, my only question is:
are you single, mid 40′s and living in Colorado?
keep writing!
Jeffrey Platts
14. Dec, 2010
Thanks, Tamara.
Yes, the Abraham-Hicks teachings are ones I really resonate with. I live in D.C., but will be moving out west very soon. I was just in Boulder in October for a workshop. I loved the city and the people and hope to visit there again in 2011. Thanks again for your comment and looking forward to connecting more.