Do you have traits that you feel bad about? Are you bald? Have a Megan Fox thumb? Rocking out with a beer belly? Tell corny jokes? Can’t dance for crap? Small boobs? Big boobs?
I’ll tell you right now that for every so-called “fault” or “defect” you think you may have, there is someone out there who will love you precisely for that trait. I’ve learned that’s true for women and bald guys. Or even more likely, they won’t even think it’s 0.001 % of the big deal you think it is. Seriously. Check out the Barry Manilow T-Shirt Study:
“In one experiment, a student wearing a Barry Manilow T-shirt was sent into a room filled with peers. Though the student was convinced that the “embarrassing” clothing would be noticed by at least half the people, follow-up interviews found that less than 50% of the group recalled the shirt. In another semester-long experiment, dubbed the “Bad Hair Day Study,” students rated their classmates on whether they looked better or worse than usual. The results show that the raters were less aware of variations in appearance than were the students they scored. Most people just don’t notice when we’re not looking our best or worst.
Why not? Simple egocentrism, declares Savitsky. Since we’re focused on ourselves, we assume that others pay close attention to us, too, but everyone else is concerned with their own problems.”
I used to go on dates and before I even met the woman, I would feel as if I had to apologize for me not owning a car or living in a small studio apartment. I wouldn’t verbalize it, obviously, but it would come across in my energy, and as we all know, we are vibrational beings and it’s pretty much impossible to hide your vibe. But only in the past few years have I begun to let go of that apologetic vibe and honor who I am.
The most attractive element of anyone is them being fully comfortable in their own skin. They know who they are and they accept who they are. Even if you have some personality traits that you’re trying to improve, even that is attractive. You’re doing your best to grow as a human being as best you know how.
So what can you do to fully embrace who you are and release any apologetic energy?
- Make a list of all the physical qualities, personality traits and life experiences that you think you need compensate for and see how they have actually been an ASSET in your life. Write how they can be seen as a something good and what gifts they may have brought you, no matter how small or mundane.
- Before you go on a date, job interview or anytime you want, find a ritual that puts you in state of total appreciation of yourself and who you are. Whether it’s a rampage of appreciation in your journal, celebrating your body by exercising or listening to a playlist of positive, rock-out songs — doesn’t matter as long as it helps you raise your vibe.
- Really understand that every single person on this planet has their fair share of insecurities and things that they wish they could change about themselves. So practice compassion and humility for the shared experience that we all have.
Remember, your true friends and soulmates are going to love you because of who you are, not in spite of it.
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