Jeffrey Platts

Why do guys think the grass is always greener with other women?

Posted on 28. Apr, 2010 by Jeffrey Platts in Archives, Dating

This is a guest post I wrote for SingleTease.com, a great company that creates fun conversation starters for singles!

We are so excited to have Jeffrey Platts as our guest blogger! I met Jeffrey three years ago at a yoga retreat. You could tell he was a guy who led a balanced life. His perspective and insight on relationships is intuitive and practical, a refreshing change from most blogs on relationships written by men. We hope you connect with his thinking as much as we do. Enjoy!

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Cliche but very true. I’m sure every person has had that experience of ending a relationship or being dumped, only to wonder afterwards why we weren’t appreciative of the person when we were with them.

Barry Schwartz wrote a fabulous book The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less where he talks about how dating can often be compared to surfing channels on TV.  You are just about to commit to a show, but you always wonder if one more lap around the channels will give you the “perfect” show to watch.  The same can apply to dating.  Say you’re dating a woman for a few weeks, things are going great, but what if there is an “even better” match for you.  Even more so with online dating, since it can reduce the partners on Match.com to start looking like a commodity to be traded in for an upgrade.

For guys, one big factor in this is the myth of “if I were single right now I’d have tons of hot women throwing themselves at me.”  Um, sure dude.  So your woman is giving you a hard time today. But if you were a bachelor again, you’d most likely have the same ups and downs of any single man: Hot Pockets for dinner, lame first dates, feeling empty after a random bar hookup.  Fantasize all you want, but reality checks are healthy, too.

I know for me, after most of my relationships ended, whether short or long-term, I usually went through a period of remorse, rehashing all the opportunities I had to tell her the things I loved about her, but didn’t say a word. By rehashing, I mean sobbing while curled up on the floor. After I eventually got out of my victim story, I took the experience as a lesson to carry into and practice in my next relationship.

“Praise is literal food for feminine qualities. If you want your woman to grow in her radiance health, happiness, love, beauty, power and depth, praise these qualities. Praise them daily. A number of times.” – David Deida

Unless you live in a monastery in Tibet, as a guy you WILL see attractive, sexy women throughout your day, for the rest of your life.  And that is a wonderful thing. But just be mindful of the thoughts that come up AFTER you notice a beautiful woman.  “Oh, she’d make a great girlfriend.” “I bet SHE wouldn’t nag me about my socks on the floor.” “She’d probably do all the kinky things I want in bed.”  Those are thoughts that may be true (not likely) or may not be true (likely).  Either way, the reality is that it often just kickstarts an endless loop of thoughts that take you AWAY from your current woman.  Enjoy the energy that attractive women bring to the world.  But also keep your ultimate intention alive.  And unless you want a distant and unfulfilling connection with your woman, get on the appreciation bus.

Here are 3 suggestions for having your own woman’s grass be the greenest in your world:

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Tags: appreciation, attraction, communication, confidence, connection, Dating, empowerment, men, mind, positive thinking, possibility, suffering, thoughts, transformation, women