Jeffrey Platts

Post ID: 5917

Instead of planning
that big romantic gesture
to “win over” a woman
you literally just met,
your time is better invested
in first learning about
energy and connection
so you can know
if that big romantic gesture
is going to be well-received
in the first place
by a woman that is
as interested in you
as you are in her.

Post ID: 5790

“Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.” — Eckhart Tolle

This quote is one one of my biggest mantras that I always come back to. Whenever I’m riding through life on victim auto-pilot, I re-read this quote and it wakes, or rather slaps, me out of my victim daze.

Not getting complimented on your sexy new outfit?
Compliment yourself.
Better yet, give a (genuine) compliment to someone else.

No one is calling you to ask how you’re doing?
Call THEM to ask how they’re doing.
Put your ego’s tit-for-tat rule aside and be the source of what you want.

Not getting invited to any parties?
Host your own party and invite who you want.

No one saying hello to you?
Go first. Say hello to them.

When you become the source of what you want, what you want starts to appear.

Post ID: 5768

For several years, I struggled with depression. Low, dark moods that kept lingering around.

And only now looking back do I see a big factor that contributed to that.

I kept FEEDING those feelings.

I made things 10 times worse by focusing on all the reasons why I “deserved” to be depressed.
Why I was a “loser”.
Why I was “unlovable”.
I’d listen to REALLY sad love songs to just keep that energy alive in my body.
I’d literally “feed” them with junk food with zero nutritional value.
Replay the breakup or negative situation in my mind.
Or I’d numb and distract myself with ESPN or porn.

I became addicted to that state, it felt like my “normal”.

And the feelings I numbed, resisted or ignored only came back again.

Of course, when I felt better—happy, confident, optimistic—what did I do? Did I feed THOSE feelings?

Nope.

Feeling good was just “luck”. I was randomly feeling happy that day “just because”. Nothing to do with me or my choices.

But here’s what I observed.

Negative emotion wasn’t the problem, it was the FEEDING them that was the problem.

Like bringing a firehose to a flooded basement. Not necessary.

All feelings need to be FELT. They are there in your body, in that moment, to serve you with information and guidance.

But not all feelings need to be FED.

How do you know which ones to feed?

The ones you want to experience MORE of.

And the ones you don’t want experience more of?

Respect them when they arise.
Welcome them.
Feel them fully.
Thank them.

Those negative feelings are a gift to you. They are beautiful part of your human experience.

But know what ELSE is part of your human experience?

Joy.
Appreciation.
Laughter.
Loving yourself.

Life brings us challenges. Shit happens. Bad days show up.

And learning this distinction can help us surf those emotional waves for just as long as we need to.

FeeD or feeL?
Choose Deliberately.
Choose Lovingly.

– Jeffrey

PS: If this post resonated with you, please share it! You never know who else might be unnecessarily suffering in the dark.

Post ID: 5758

Those are questions that are on many women’s minds. The men they meet and date feel more like lost boys than empowered men. Here are three reasons why some guys might not be living fully as the powerful men they truly are.

1. They don’t invest in personal growth.

Personal growth is a realm populated mainly by women. It is often considered more socially acceptable and natural for women to gravitate toward personal development than it is for men. This is why a large portion of personal growth and spirituality is secretly embedded into sports and business philosophies.

However, the demand for men’s coaching and thought leaders who focus on the men’s issues is increasing. For example, Phil Jackson and the Super Bowl-winning Seattle Seahawks are two sports figures that have successfully incorporated mindfulness, kindness and visualization into their regular practices. 

Men’s most-powerful issues are around sex, relationships, money, purpose, career, friendship, health and more. But men don’t need to wait until they reach a full-blown crisis to ask and look for support and guidance. If you need a place to start, two great books are No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover and The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida. Or check out more articles on my site.

2. They surf way too much porn.

It’s a common belief that all guys surf porn, that it’s normal for guys to watch porn and “take care of business” before they go to sleep each night. But the reality is that just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean it serves us.

This is not a debate on the morality of porn. It’s an invitation for guys to take a step back and look at their habits around porn and masturbation. After you engage in it, how does it affect your mood? How do you view and treat women? How do you perform during actual sex? Do you have any shame around your use of porn?

My experience (and I imagine for many guys reading this) was that I never surfed porn when I was feeling happy. I used porn as an escape mechanism. For example, I would surf porn if I had a bad day at work, or if I just got home from the club and felt incredibly lonely having not received any attention from women. I never consciously chose to surf porn, it was a habit that was stuck on auto-pilot. And the addictive dopamine rush of orgasm just left me wanting more next time.

I encourage men to watch the movie Don Jon. It is a humorous yet surprisingly accurate portrayal of what an addictive Internet porn habit looks like. To kick an addiction to porn, give yourself a 30-day porn-free detox. See what happens with your mood, self-esteem, libido and how you feel around women.

3. They don’t take time to plan their life.

I’m guilty of this myself and I see it in my clients. Many men let years go by as if they were clouds passing on the freeway. We bounce around from job to job, waiting for the next layoff or other life circumstance to tugboat us around life. But what would happen if we took a step back and reflected on what really matters to us? What if we took the time to focus on what really lights us up within?

When a man gets in alignment with what he’s truly passionate about and devoted to, he becomes more alive, focused and on fire. It doesn’t matter if he’s achieving his goals. What matters is that he’s taking consistent action toward them.

  • If your cubicle job has been squeezing the life out of you, let yourself get frustrated and angry. Use that energy to fuel your search for what you can do to get out of your situation.
  • Make Google your friend. Do focused searches for any and all topics you’re consistently fascinated by.
  • Visit Barnes & Noble and see what sections of books you naturally gravitate toward.
  • Take some time to see what fears and limiting beliefs are getting in the way. Answer the following question: I can’t get the _____ that I want because… Whatever answer follows, is likely some of the underlying beliefs you have about yourself, people, money, your background and life that keep you playing small in life.

How we show up and the results we get in life are always changeable. It just takes some awareness and the desire to make a change. But most importantly, reach out for help. Get support. Live bigger.

Post ID: 5756

As men, we typically aren’t that skilled in dealing with emotions. Hell, we often aren’t that skilled at noticing our emotions. But no event has the more power to force us to notice and feel our emotions as a breakup.

Whether you’ve been together for three years or three months, hearing those words “I think we should break up” can destroy a guy’s world. I’m not here to teach you how to get the girl back, or what went wrong in the relationship. I’m here to help you find a healthy and effective way to deal with a breakup.

First let’s discuss what not to do.

Binge on booze, porn, food or video games

What better way to numb yourself than with an endless supply of hot virtual women ready to do whatever you want, whenever you want? Or getting wasted out of your mind and partying like you’re back in college? Or playing Call of Duty every night until 4am?

All of above (ideally not at the same time) may distract and numb you for a while, but they prolong the inevitable and necessary process of healing through your emotions.

Seek Out One-Night Stands

What do many guys do when their buddy gets dumped? Their ‘helpful’ advice sounds something like: We need to take you out and get you laid.

While bringing home a cute brunette for a night of sloppy, drunk sex might please your body, it won’t please your heart or your soul. You’ll just end up comparing her to your ex anyway. Like pornography, binge-drinking and video games, one-night stands are little more than a distraction from the pain you’re experiencing.

What can you do instead?

Journal

All the sad, self-defeating thoughts you’re having? Get them out of your head and onto paper. So much of our emotional suffering is caused by the thoughts we allow to ruminate in our mind. During a breakup they are like pouring gasoline on the fire. Your thoughts become an endless loop of doubts, regrets and fears.

Byron Katie’s The Work questions are a powerful tool. It is a laser-like process where you investigate, one-by-one, the thoughts that are causing you pain, stress and suffering. All you need is a pen and paper. The video below shows Katie leading a man through the process and was powerful tool for me.

Exercise and Eat Right

You need to keep up your self-care. Or for some you, actually start a practice of self-care. The most important step you can take is to make sure you are eating natural, non-processed food. Limit your sugar and caffeine. Transmute your period of suffering into a period of catapulting you into peak physical fitness.

Few things feel better than running into your ex a few months later when you look like Brad Pitt from “Fight Club.” Speaking of “Fight Club,” taking up a martial art might be another healthy way to let go of any anger or aggression.

Forgive

No matter what the circumstances of the breakup, you need to forgive yourself for anything you did or didn’t do during the relationship. You did what you did with the awareness you had at the time. Regret just keeps you stuck in the past.

If you really want to move forward fast, forgive her too.

Get Professional Support

Our friends and family may love us and support us, but there are sometimes limits to how they can be there for us; and relying on your buddy for you to dump your sob story for the 127th time can take its toll.

So if you feel that after a while you’re not able to function in your daily life or you don’t feel yourself improving emotionally, seek out the support of a good therapist or coach. There are tons of people out there who can provide the third-party perspective you might need. It could be a safe, loving space for you to heal from your emotions. Or it could be the tough, no bullshit kick in the ass you need to buck and get on with your life. Either way, you’ll get the support you need to truly move on.

 

Post ID: 5738

My dear brother, the sexy, well-matched woman you want to meet isn’t going to just show up at your bathroom door while you’re on the toiling swiping left and right on your dating app. 
You’re going to have to get out in the real world and talk to her face-to-face. 

And once you DO meet her, she isn’t going to stick around just because you’re a solid guy (which you are). 
Because at some point, the neurochemical high of new love and sex will wear off for the both of you. 

The relationship will start getting real. 

Triggers. 

Turn-offs. 

And yes, fights. 

But the good news is she is going to stick around (and you, too) because you’ve done the work (and CONTINUE to do the work) on yourself. 

And because you’ve learned effective mindsets, practices, and tools that help you connect with yourself, and also connect with her. 

(Because if she’s the kind of woman you want, she is doing the same work now, too.)

So knowing that truth, when are you going to get started? 

If it’s now, private message me and let’s chat to see how I might be able to help speed up the learning curve. 

No need to fumble around on your own. 

I’ve already made the mistakes and learned the lessons for you. 

Jeffrey

Post ID: 5733

Today I looked up the etymology of the word “validation”.

Not the modern definition, but the ROOT of the word.

Here’s what I found—from Latin validus, “strong, effective, powerful, active,” from valero, “be strong”

So at its core, validation is about STRENGTH.

It makes sense that when we’re seeking validation anywhere in our life, we’re ultimately looking to feel stronger again.

To remember our own strength.

But..

You don’t need 100 likes on your Facebook post to feel that.

You don’t need 17 comments on your sexy new shirt.

You don’t need to fish for endless compliments from your friends.

When you’re craving validation from the outside, remember that you’re ultimately craving a feeling, experience and knowingness of STRENGTH.

And from the origin of the word, there is nothing in it that says it MUST come from outside of you.

So remember that next time you think you’re needing outside approval to be strong again.

Yes, external approval feels good and is a necessary part of the human experience.
And if you don’t learn to give it yourself consistently, the strength you seek outside of you will be the strength that eludes you inside of you.

Post ID: 5726

Two days ago I was at a bar. Not because I like bars. I don’t.

But because I wanted to watch the final of the Brazil x Germany Olympic soccer match. And this particular bar was the only place that was showing the game. 

So I find a seat at the bar. To my right are two normal looking dudes having some beers and chatting amongst themselves.

To my left were two pretty women having some beers and chatting amongst themselves.

After 20 minutes, one of the guys starts talking in my direction.

“Those are from us.”

Before I had a chance to ask what the heck he was talking about, I figured out that he was referring to the two vodka shots that he and his buddy had sent over to the two women sitting to my left.

As he noticed that I figured out what was going on, he said to me:

“I would buy you a drink, too, but you’re not going to put out.”

My first reaction to his statement was to think to myself: “Yeah bro, I get it, yeah I wouldn’t waste a drink on me, either.”

I was temporarily deluded by the inertia of bro and bar culture. But then I realized how fucked up that thinking is.

Let’s take a look at what is behind that one sentence.

First, he’s buying a drink for two random women that he’s never met or interacted with in his life. Ok, not something I do with strangers, but that’s his prerogative.

Secondly, he’s buying this drink for these two women with the ultimate intention and expectation that she’ll “put out.” Which I imagine, in his world, happens in one of two scenarios.

Either she is so overcome with gratitude for the two $10 shots that she decides to go home with him and have sex as a way of saying thank you.

Or she gets drunk enough from the drinks he so generously buys her that her inhibitions and resistance is lowered and she has sex with him later that night.

Both of these scenarios are stupid and disgusting. And unnecessary.

My brothers, you don’t have to order a drink to get a woman to talk to you. Or for her to give you her attention. Or to get her to want to have sex with you.

All you have to do is say hello, start a conversation and if she’s interesting enough TO you and if she is interested enough IN you, the conversation keeps going. If there’s no interest on either end, you politely move on.

Save your drink money and spend it on something that’s going to help you genuinely love yourself because that’s really what you need to start doing. If you need some support with that, get support.

More importantly, buying a woman anything, whether it’s a fucking martini or a Mercedes, does not entitle you to ANYTHING from her. Ever. That type of entitlement thinking is really, really dangerous.

So I’m sharing this is a reminder for men to stop buying random women drinks unless it’s coming from a genuine place of ZERO attachment to or expectation of having her say or do anything.

Because the only thing that should come with strings attached is a yo-yo. Don’t be a yo-yo.

***If you feel this message needs to be heard, then please share this post.

8 Steps To Rock Your Next Date

Post ID: 5724

1. Slow down.
2. Breathe.
3. Give a shit about yourself. 
4. Give a shit about her.
5. Give a shit about the connection between you and her.
6. Ask questions and share from that place.
7. Chew with your mouth closed.

Post ID: 5722

Getting a girlfriend or wife is one thing.

But to be in a relationship with a woman who is WELL-MATCHED, is a whole other level. 

What does that even mean?

Well, it first requires you to know (and continually discover) who the hell you are.

What makes you happy?
What makes you cry? (Do you even cry?)
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
How do you hide when your emotions get intense?
When do you show up most powerfully?

Then it requires you to know what you want in a partner and how you tend to show up with women.

What have been your patterns in dating?
What unhealthy behaviors do you tend to tolerate?
What lessons have you learned?
What traits might you be putting on a pedestal because society told you to?
What do YOU personally love and value in a woman?

That’s a start.

If you just want a female human to have as a long-term companion and activity partner, then you’ll have an easy box to check off your list.

If you want a woman that is a good fit FOR YOU and you are a good fit FOR HER, that requires a new level of awareness and action.

A great relationship is a vehicle for your growth, not a destination.