Are You The Dating Weatherman?

Are You The Dating Weatherman?

Posted on by in Blog, Dating, Self Empowerment

A few years back, before I went out on the town, I would sometimes think to myself “Tonight is the night I’m gonna find love!” And four hours later, as I walked back to my apartment alone with a bag of Doritos and a Big Gulp, I realized that tonight wasn’t the night.

Who declared that the hours between 10pm and 2am on Friday and Saturday are the only times we can meet new partners? That’s right. No one.

Ask all the couples you know this question: “Did you predict the time, day and place where you met your current partner?”. Unless they are Nostradamus or Al Roker, I’ll bet that 100% of them will say, no. Love isn’t a blizzard. You can’t predict its arrival.

Always taking score and asking myself (or God or my dog) “where the heck IS she?” just created more focus on the current fact that she was missing. I emphasize “current” because reality is always changing. But we can develop the habit at re-creating the same reality over and over.

And keeping a focus on what (and who) is missing helps fuel the energy of resistance. It’s difficult for something or someone new to come into a space where there is resistance. Why make it harder on yourself (and them)? Your next boyfriend will have a hard time getting to you if you have 537 “Where Are You?!” signs outside your front door.

The wisest thing to do is make yourself AVAILABLE to meeting your next partner. You have no idea when he or she will come. And chances are he or she will show up when you least expect it. So be ready. And smiling. Rain or shine.

Some suggestions on how to have more chill out and less freak out:

1) Trust in the timing of the Universe. Just because all your friends found boyfriends or are already married doesn’t mean you should be. They could all be single again in two years. You don’t know what their relationship is truly like when it’s just the two of them. Their path is their path and your path is your path. Focus on your own life and trust your own inner guidance.

2) Notice the comparison monkey in your mind. And don’t follow him. If you KNEW that the perfect person for you was going to come to you in exactly one year, how would you live your life? Would you spend that year feeling sorry for yourself seeing all those couples holding hands? Or would you rock out your life, enjoying your single time? So while there is no guaranteed one year delivery date, you are still best served by having a relaxed and easy vibe around love and dating.

3) Be curious. Turn off the auto-pilot. Engage with people throughout the day! The Universe can put potential partners in your path, but you have to interact with them. And see if you REALLY need a soundtrack every time you are walking outside. Wearing iPod earbuds not only make you less approachable they also distract you from noticing those men or women might grab YOUR attention.

This is a guest post I wrote for SingleTease.com, a great company that creates fun conversation starters for singles!  Click here to read this and other great posts on SingleTease.com…

Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

2 Responses to “Are You The Dating Weatherman?”

  1. Kirsten

    10. Nov, 2011

    Not to sound pessimistic, but I think we also need to remember that maybe their isn’t a perfect person out there. Instead of expecting to meet a perfect match and clicking right away, it’s good to realize that all relationships take a lot of work and time.

  2. Sarah Clay

    20. May, 2013

    “Buck up.” “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” “Don’t ruin everything.” When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Over his decades of experience as a therapist and mindfulness meditation practitioner, Dr. Christopher Germer has learned a paradoxical lesson: We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in–and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame–are essential steps on the path to healing. This wise and eloquent book illuminates the power of self-compassion and offers creative, scientifically grounded strategies for putting it into action. You’ll master practical techniques for living more fully in the present moment — especially when hard-to-bear emotions arise — and for being kind to yourself when you need it the most. Free audio downloads of the meditation exercises are available at the author’s website: http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org.

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